We all have that list. The one we keep in the back of our minds, and replay in our moments of solitude. We all have the list of things we wish we would have done and didn’t, or the things we wish we could take back. COVID-19 is forcing us to experience these stages of grief – the grief of the loss of our old lives, routines, commutes, daycares, and the true loss of precious life.
Stages of Grief
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross talks about the stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. We know her work, we all use it in our daily conversations. It’s become almost so common in discussions on grief and dying that we may have forgotten what it actually feels like to experiences those stages. Enter this unprecedented time we are now faced with.
As I find myself flipping between bargaining and acceptance, I couldn’t help but find myself longing for something, Maybe a longing for normalcy, for life as it once was. As humans, we are inherently built for human connection, and maybe, what I need to find is a purpose or meaning beyond this pandemic.
In the absence of control, we make choices to cope, and look ahead.
Identify Joys in the Pain
I remember when I was in grad school and didn’t have time to do the things I wanted. I remember that feeling of sacrificing fun for work. That’s always been my personality, dig in, achieve the goal, and put aside my desires to accomplish that goal. So to make me feel a little better about spending every waking moment balancing my corporate job and school work, I used to make a note of what I would do once grad school was over. I wrote it on a post-it note, folded it up, and dropped it a jar. It was filled with things like, go see a movie, go to the gym, ski, learn how to ride a motorcycle, take more trips. This was my motivation to get through something tough, and find something to look forward to.
This time, several years later and due to very different circumstances, I’m filling the jar with something different – something more focused on defining and creating meaning for my life. We, as humans, are driven by connectivity and a desire to belong. In this time of quarantine, we are extremely connected to our immediate family unit. We spend 24-7 with one another, and that honest feeling of belonging is so critical to being your whole self (another blog topic for another day). However, what we’re missing right now is the expansion of our circle – our extended family, friends, mentors, neighbors, and even the kindness of strangers. We miss the family get together for Easter, we miss the kid’s birthday parties, and we even miss the chance to go to the gym to see familiar faces.
Make Your Creating Now Jar
So this time, I’m going to fill my jar with new wish lists, for me and for my family. All you need is any jar, a stack of post-it notes and an open heart. Be honest, but also, just have fun with it. And when this is all over, and we go back to the hustle of our lives, just pull out the jar, draw out the first thing, and go do it. Go create the life you want – one choice at a time!
- Make more trips to see family in person. But also, video chat more with friends and family. Video totally changes the experience and connection. Now that we’re all inside, I feel like I’ve been more connected and engaged.
- Go to the spa – or whatever you damn well please for your birthday. Each year, I try to reset and relax. This year, work was crazy, so I decided to take a meeting instead of taking that time for me. It was a compromise I was willing to make, but next time, I’ll make the choice to take care of me because work will always be crazy.
- Put down my phone. My multi-tasking desire got in my way – and I would listen to a podcast or read while I was nursing Elle, or talking on the phone each time we had mommy and daughter time, or actually sitting down and having dinner as a family.
- Take that vacation. We kept putting off trips, and since we’re grounded for who knows how long, I wish we had just booked the trip. So, in the jar will be a list of destinations! YOLO.
- Stretch beyond my small circle. I found out my young cousin had COVID-19. She was on a ventilator for three weeks, but pulled through and is home recovering. Her wedding, three years ago, was the last time I had seen her. It was a reminder that I need to stretch my circle wider and more often.
- Make my health a priority. That means, eat right, build muscle, and get moving! If you’re like our house, we’ve taken more walks in the past 4 weeks than in the past 3 years we’ve lived here.
- Show gratitude more often. Being home means I am even more confident that I chose the right life partner. I need to express that appreciation more often.
So what about you? What are you putting in the jar?
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